EX FCKN HALE!!!!!!

I just sat here and watched Waiting to Exhale back-to-back. You know you been through some shit when you can relate to Every. Single. Character.

ROBIN: YOUNG AND DUMB. A victim to preference and the wrong type of man for us. Believing that we were that LIT to change a nigga. Not understanding that he is his own individual and will make his choices based on his decisions no matter how much of a catch we are.

SAVANNAH: TIRED OF THE BULLSHIT. We know that all our choices aren't the right ones but sometimes you just got to roll the dice because you never quite fucking know. Even when we crap out we don't lose faith in the fact that the next role would be our winner.

BERNADETTE: SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO SET IT OFF TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS. How dare his ass! I'm sorry.. let me explain that in depth. How dare his trifling, Lowdown, wasn't shit before I met his ass, while I was with him, and honestly wasn't shit after I left his ass.. able do that bullshit to me??!!!! But guess what bitchass nigga, the final tee-hee-hee is on you because karma is a bitch and she's my best friend. She got something special for your ass.

GLORIA. JUST GIVE ME LOVE ALREADY. I did what I needed to do. Said what I needed to say. And held back what could have got me 25 to Life. What the hell else do you want from me? I have been solid, grounded, and the voice of reason to my circle all while being tried. So again I ask what else do you want from me? I have proven that I'm capable of giving all while  receiving what I didn't feel like I deserved. Just Give Me Love already....

The last 2 minutes of the movie I always have to pause and brace myself. Not for the dramatics of the movie but because of what it does to me and definitely because of the importance of this message. When you get to a certain point in your life where you can relate to every character it's almost like your exhaling with them and that shit is beautiful.

They were celebrating a new year with a mindset to be better moving forward. Even if it's not the new year we can be new with a new idea or new decision. When you accept it, exhale it!!!!

EXHALE SIS!!!

Broken Halos

(Dedicated to the pieces of us we try to reclaim from the dead lovers we buried)

I am guilty of holding onto the dead just to feel alive again

Is it crazy that I want your dry bones wrapped around my flesh one more time again?

Reviving a corpse of a lover to call mine again

I watch the moon drop while thinking about you

My nights have been restless since your departure

Losing sleep trying to hold on to our memories

Even though you brought hell to my earth

It’s hard for me to let you rest in peace

And why should I?

I wasn’t perfect but worth the heaven I tried to build with you

The least you could do is get me a new fucking halo

Forgiveness: Reconcile or Release?

"Forgiveness releases stagnant energy from our bodies and naturally cuts the cord existing between two people."- Shina Sanabria

This is a quote from a recent blog post by Shina Sanabria. This particular post was about sexual energy and clearing attachment to past partners -which by the way is an amazing read. I suggest you go check it out - This sentence stood out to me about forgiveness from a general aspect.

I found it especially interesting that she said forgiveness naturally cuts the cord existing between two people.

Most times when it comes to forgiveness we often associate it with acceptance of the offense and continuing the relationship through reconciliation. In other words, giving the person re-entrance into our life. Not realizing how detrimental to our personal growth and well-being that can be. First and foremost forgiveness is a necessity. Some connections are just no good for you at all. Letting go of an offense is significant to your overall health because holding on to resentment, anger and past trauma leads to stress which can have horrible effects such as depression, unhealthy habits, cardiovascular disease, including heart disease, high blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythms, heart attacks, and stroke. And if you have a horrible habit of harboring things like I have then you've already experienced at least two of those conditions.

What's worth that?

Whatever your spiritual foundation, most faiths speak on practicing forgiveness as a part of your  spiritual journey. We're also in the days affirmations like Love & Light, Positive Vibes Only, and Keeping That Same Energy. We spew out growth through proclamations and quote scripture like our favorite 90's R&B hit. Yet it's so much deeper. Forgiveness is an act of love towards others and most importantly love towards ourselves. But it's not to be confused with approval. 

Have you ever been manipulated into believing that you haven't fully forgiven someone because you've decided not to make room for them in your life any longer? I have! What a horrid thing to believe because in all actuality one doesn't have anything to do with the other. You can harbor no ill will towards someone and want nothing at all to do with them at the same time. Being an asshole isn't necessary but you don't have to be a doormat either. Besides, forgiveness may be the only way you can truly walk away from someone. You might still be bound to each other due to that stagnant energy that you're refusing to let go. 

Of course it is truly up to you how you decide to proceed with the people in your life.

Everybody deserves forgiveness but not everybody deserves a seat at the table.

Your vision will either Intimidate or Inspire

Even in my low moments and operating with an unproductive mindset, I always knew there was greatness in me and greater in store for me. And I'm not special, I mean, yes I am but I know that everybody created has greatness buried in them waiting to bare good fruit in their lives. The difference is that not everybody knows this. Most times those of us that believe better is within us are usually surrounded by people that don't see it or do see it but don't care to see us elevate because of their own insecurities thus making it hard to recognize your purpose. Their resentment was like dirt meant to keep our dreams buried but like the saying goes, they didn't know we were seeds. These people are easily identified because they're discouraging. Negative. Sew seeds of doubt and fear. Unsupportive. They see your insecurities and come up with ways to make them worse.

Don't have an opinion because then you talk too much. Don't you demand respect because then you think too highly of yourself. Don't be offend by their treatment towards you because then you have an attitude problem. Don't distant yourself to protect your peace because then your acting funny. And don't you dare follow your dreams because then you think you're better than them. I know this all too well. Sad thing is that this type of hate rarely came from a stranger. Good thing is these people usually dismissed themselves. They can watch you go through hell, mend your wounds by yourself and get mad that you healed and bounced back better than before. If your light is bright are you suppose to shine or dim it down for the miserable? It's not our job to make people comfortable with us. Shine boo!

Getting through the motions

Most people that know me know that I love poetry. Few people that know me know that 3 years ago I used to perform spoken word locally. This picture was taken one of the nights I was about to recite an original piece entitled "Swimming Lessons" about being betrayed. Most to my poetry was faith-based so it wasn't edgy as far as the language but it's safe to say that the messages were very relate-able to anyone no matter their walk of life. Even though I knew this poem like the back of my hand and this was my umpteenth time getting on stage, I was naturally nervous to perform. I read this poem before. Shit, I lived it but it's always that fear of standing in front of many unfamiliar faces revealing a truth about yourself that has the tendency to send a paralyzing chill throughout your body. In my mind I recited over and over the mantra that I would tell myself before every performance. "Krystal, you got this! God gave you this gift. Someone will need it. You will not mess up. You'll be great."

I waited for my turn. When my name was called I walked bravely to the stage, looked over the crowd, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Exhaled most of my anxiety and began. The nerves never went away though. After all the words are said and the poem is done, they're still there...tingling. However I got through it. Like I always have. Like I knew I would.




Truth is, even far, far away from the stage and companionship of the microphone. In the privacy of my own affairs. Between the responsibilities of my 9 to 5, making sure home is cozy, and the puppy is fed, the nerves are ever present. I started off this month feeling very enthused about November. I'll say now that my enthusiasm turned into thankfulness for the uncovering of self that I'm experiencing. It's something about this time of year being between the holiday of gratitude and the holiday of love(depending on who you're asking) that can either bring out the very best in a person or the opportunities for improvement in a person. I'm living in both. The past few days I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Being thrilled about the thought of the unknown and shook with fear of walking by faith. It's that odd inkling  that something is not the same but not being able to accurately identify what has changed. I'm imbalanced. I feel motivated. I feel ugly. I feel stunning. I feel close to God then so far from His hand. I get that feeling of being stuck in the angst of never growing beyond where I am. Then I have moments of gratefulness just be here to learn, live and let live. These phases of confidence vs. uncertainty are nothing new so everyday I found myself reciting my mantra. "Krystal, you got this! God gave you this gift. Someone will need it. You will not mess up. You'll be great."


Reminding myself that what's before me is nothing new. I'll get through this. Like I always have. Like I know I will.

Life Gems with Caroline Senion: Live to love

Live to love

"I learned how to love myself after spending years of finding myself" 

As a young girl I thought self-love was something taught by others. Walking in my journey I now know it's something only you can give yourself. I take a day or two to do what I love; which is to write. I simply take time out to write about things that make me happy. I do a mental, physical, and spiritual cleanse from the world to get to know myself. Lastly, I always spend time doing stuff alone to simply make sure I feel good about myself.

Today I live as a queen who stands with her head held high no matter what obstacles come my way. I am a daughter who strives to make her Angels up above see that anything is possible. I am a sister who leads by example and shows young girls and women that you are you not defined by what you look like or what you have but to be the best you God made you to be.

- Caroline

Life Gems with Tiffany Gonzalez: What's for you is for you

What's for you is for you

Self-care might be one of the simplest, and yet hardest things to do. Why? Well because we find it difficult to put the same effort in ourselves that we put into our loved ones, our careers, and our social life. At least, that has always been the case for me. I've spent countless hours worried about others and how they "seem" happy, and not enough hours worried about my own happiness. In today's day and age, social media has us even more wrapped up in everyone's business than in our own. We simply lose ourselves in the world around us. 

 

I've always felt behind in life; like I am not meant to be where I am currently stationed. It drove me to a point where I couldn't keep driving forward. I kept moving backwards, driving in circles; wondering why I felt so unhappy with my life, but don't get me wrong, I am blessed, and truly fortunate to have the things I have in my life: a family, shelter and food, encouraging friends, a job that's building itself into a promising career, and a strong educational background as I get closer to completing my Masters degree in Communication and Media. However, the problem is that when you compare yourself to others, you will never find peace within yourself and with where life has taken you, regardless of all of your accomplishments (small or big because they all
count). Your successes end up never feeling right enough, or big enough, or substantial enough because you aren't where you "believe" you should be...right there along with everyone else, or where you "assume" everyone else is: married, kids, high-paying job, house/apartment, the whole "American Dream". I'm laughing as I write this because I know it sounds ridiculous, but my brain thought otherwise, for so long, and I'm sure a good amount of you can relate. 

 

Let me tell you all something though, it's never too late to start loving yourself. It's never too late to start focusing on yourself instead of everyone else. It's never too late to say "enough is enough; I'm done hurting myself". We owe it to ourselves to make a change. For starters, let's be honest and real here, it isn't something that happens overnight. It takes patience and constantly checking yourself. It's about perspective, and training your mind to perceive things differently than what you're already used to. For me, it's all about working on how I view things and reminding myself that it's okay to not be stationed where everyone else seems to be. Happiness is not about what others want you to be or where you are, in comparison to others, it's about how you feel about yourself. That's why we must take care of ourselves. Practice positive affirmations, compliment yourself, look in the mirror and stare at that one feature you've never been too keen of, and start falling in love with it. Most importantly, don't be afraid to seek professional help if you need it. Sometimes we just need to talk to someone who has an unbiased point of view. As humans we are complex individuals, and our minds can be an abyss of doubt, fears and insecurities. There is no shame in asking someone to help you decipher those thoughts. Start worrying less about what society and others will think, and start worrying more about your mind, body and spirit. The rest will eventually start falling into place. 

 

After reading this, take a moment and close your eyes. Then, take a deep breath and say, "today, I will focus on me." Don't be scared to take time for yourself and to start loving who you are. 

 

Wishing you all a happy journey to self discovery and love!

-Tiffany