LOVE Is or Aint?

I have been going back and forth about how I feel about Love is. Don't get me wrong, I liiiiiive honey. I love the passion and the drama. I've laughed, I've cried and have found myself relating to a lot of their relational issues. However, I've also found myself side-eyeing the storyline.

Quick disclaimer: I've had my fair share of relationship messiness so trust me, this ain't judgment yall. IJS

I've started to question my own approach to love and if maybe the reason I'm still single is because I tap out after what looks like future disaster unlike our sis Nuri. I mean, there are moments while watching the series and I'm like " Father in Heaven, please send me a fine, strong, supportive, aggressive-when-he-needs-to-be man like Yasir, Amen". Then I open my eyes just in time to witness Yasir's life drama spilling from scene to scene. It's good for TV but be mindful this series is based on the true love story of the writers Mara Brock Akil and Salim Akil.

Yasir and Nuri are night and day (no pun intended) and being that opposites do attract I can see the beauty in their love but Yasir came with a lot of baggage that I don't believe Nuri was ready for.
Nuri is a pretty, spunky, writer for a hit TV sitcom. She's young and living her best life in Cali. One day, while at a café, she's approached by Yasir. A struggling writer. Attractive, confident and based on his demeanor, you can tell Yasir is a real man's man. Not at all concerned with the opinions of others and protects his square at all costs which can be appealing to any woman (violently waves hand) not to mention he's sexy as all get out...or did I mention that already. Nothing comes of the initial introduction but a year later they reconnect and start dating. While in the relationship which is only one month in thus far, they fall madly in love with each other.

Sounds cute right? Damn near magically! To meet what your soul recognizes is it's mate and you guys make a choice that come hell or high water, you're riding until the wheels fall off. Well, before we pull off in our caravan of love with these two, lets do a little maintenance.
Is it just me or is Yasir a little too damn controlling? His assertiveness and charm is appealing but comes off a bit manipulative and since Nuri has shown herself to be a little naïve, I felt like he picked up on that and was able to convince her that she needed him in her life. Do you remember when she bought the coral couch for the living room? When she asked him if he liked it he told her not in the living room and that it should be in her office to stimulate her creativeness. Being a creative myself I could see his point but damn bruh!
Nigga get your own couch and put it where you want!
...Was and still is my immediate thought. Another example is when she was getting ready for work and he told her she should wear a white t-shirt under her black nightgown with some white converse. I wont front, I thought the outfit was cute but she wasn't exactly comfortable going to work in lingerie which was totally understandable. When she questioned the look  he said, and I'm paraphrasing, he just wanted her to see herself as effortlessly, beautiful as he sees her. Passive aggressive much or am I buggin? I felt like he was always correcting her but god-forbid he was called to the carpet on his BS.

To prove that I'm not a "man basher",  I'll share the good I've seen in Yasir. I admired how he didn't completely turn his back on his ex Ruby. He was a very present help during her recovery after her liposuction and he didn't throw his relationship with Nuri in her face. He also had positive effects on Nuri's life. He did help her find her voice resulting in her being more confident. He was emotionally available to the max. A great listener and protector. He helped her confront the dark things about her past like being molested and being more mature. He helped bring some dimension to her life by showing her the world beyond her rose colored shades.

However a huge part of that dimension was his drama she became exposed to. Being  unemployed, living with his then-girlfriend, stubborn as all hell, and secretly a father. While she had her obvious concerns, she overlooked them all and saw an opportunity in him for love and growth. The average person would have dubbed the whole "situationship" and moved on. I've literally curved men for less. I don't know if I'm too hard or if she was too soft which leads me to this:
For those of us women that have set standards for your relationship goals, are your standards realistic? Do feel like your standards have you more single than a dollar bill single? What if the only thing your significant other may bring to the table is the intangible like love, emotional support, mental stimulation, good sex, spiritual balance. Is that Real? Enough? Real enough? Or are we so caught up in what a person has and how they can add physical value like a good job, being degreed' up, having their own home and own car, that we miss out on a blessing of a human being? Of course wanting a partner to be a reflection of your own good can avoid serious problems in the long run but at what point do the bars that we've set as standards become barriers?

What is your definition of real love. What you feel or what you know? And once you have the answer, how do you proceed?!
Please let me.

Stamping the Passport: First Stop, Dominican Republic Pt. I

Good summa time vibes have to consist of all or at least one the following in order for your summer to be litty.

1. The Perfect Fits

2. Good Hair

3. A Bae. (new or old, just someone for those warm, summer nights to talk with or..whatevah)

4. Bomb Vacay(whether near or far, a place to relax your mind and let your conscience be free)

Well. My summer thus far has only had one of the above. My hair and fits are cute but pretty regular and a bae?! Chile, that's a post for another day. But bomb vacation, yea I did that! Not only was I able to travel but I went on my first international trip to the Dominican Republic with my uncle and cousins on a family vacation.

 We stayed at the Riu Bambu Hotel in Punta Cana. I've never been to an all inclusive resort before so I don't have anything to compare my experience to but it was really nice. Food and dranks all day and night that I don't have to pay for.. YES PLEASE!!

I don't know if it was the palm trees or the fact the I was on a foreign beach but I immediately fell in love. I didn't fall in love with being hustled on the beach but hey, I cant knock it.

This guy really put an iguana on my head, parrots in my palms ...

then charged me!!!

I went parasailing for the first time ever. I thought I would terrified but it was surprisingly at peace.


Our fourth day there, we went on an excursion at La Hacienda Park which was about an hour away from the resort. We zip lined at the highest peak of 657 feet from the ground. I really tried to capture this moment but being that high was too intense for me. And if that wasn't enough I had to bungee jump maybe 20 ft to the ground. I'm proud of myself for facing my fear of heights. A fear that I didn't tell my family that I had especially since I was the main one convincing people to not be afraid. #AriesIsh However, I don't see myself doing that activity again. I rode horseback on a beautiful brown and white horse named Tobacco who deviated from the trail a few times to eat grass but other than that he was cool.

Me & Tobacco

We went on a safari trip that wasn't really a safari or at least what I would have expected. It consisted of 1 cow, wild chickens, 2 goats and a family dog that I accidentally stepped on but in my defense, he was very small and there was like 30 people in a little space. Then we  drove the ATV's through mud trials to the Anamuya River where we were able to swim and cool off before heading back to the ranch for an authentic Dominican lunch at local restaurant. We were able to see how they make fresh, hot cocoa from actual cocoa nuts off the tree. . We were at the park for about 8 hours and did 7 excursions for $99. Not only a great deal but it was worth the entire experience.

Anamuya River

Milking the cow. Ironically my first time

On the way back to the hotel we stopped at a bodega in one of the neighborhoods. I just got Doritos and a grape soda but what got me excited was being about to trading one of my US dollars for a Dominican peso. I've decided that every time I visit a new country my keep sake will be the local currency.

Dominican peso

The rest of the vacation was trips to the beach, drinking, eating, drinking, dancing, drinking, arguments, and more drinking. Good times!
The people were beautiful. The men were gorgeous and the island was breathe-taking with mountains hills and coconut tress everywhere.

 Mountainous landscape

The air really seemed to agree with my chemistry because babyyyyyy I came back glowing.

There would be a few things that I would suggest when traveling over seas to an all inclusive resort BUT for the sake of time I'll make a separate post about that so look out for Part 2.

I'm looking forward to more stamps very soon ;)

KINGdom

KINGdom by Krystal Schey




He's a good man
Tainted enough to be real
Yet genuine enough to be deemed pure
I wash myself in him
My flaws look halfway decent when moisturized with his aura
He's the closest thing to godly I've ever had this side of Heaven

Queen Bey, Body Acceptance and Breaking these Generational Curses

Can I just talk about how Queen Mother, Beyoncé that is, has been giving me life this year. From her classic performance at Coachella, The Carter's album and now her latest interview in the September issue of Vogue Magazine. She's just all around phenomenal. I mean, I don't really like to "stan" for celebrities because after all, they are mere humans just like the rest of us but not for nothing, Bey has been making me so proud to be a black woman.

We don't have to recap on Coachella. Mutha shut it down and if you ain't know please google her performance. Just her entrance alone was iconic.

The Carters album is a constant bop for me. From the pride for our culture in Black Effect, forgiveness and redemption in Love Happy (my favorite), The sultry seductive vibes in Summer to the cloth talk on Boss. Her beautiful, sultry range and Jay's lyrical storytelling keeps them in heavy rotation on my playlist.

And now, Beyoncé's feature in Vogue makes me love her so much more. Let me just say this before I begin, she didn't say anything different than what we normally hear about body acceptance and self love but what I appreciate about Beyoncé is that ever since her album Lemonade, she has been very open with us (especially more than she needs to be) about her family and self esteem struggles as a result of infidelity in her marriage and past traumas. During her interview, the theme of honesty is the same but the tone is different. Obviously, she's in a better space. Her marriage is in a healing place, their family is growing with the edition of the twins, Rumi and Sir and they're currently on their world tour OTR II.
While life right now is great, Bey shared her pregnancy struggles with toxemia while pregnant with the twins which lead her to have an emergency C-section. She talked about accepting the changes that her body has undergone and even her contentment with her FUPA for the time being. For those who do not know what a fupa is, that is the fat located in the lower abdomen also known as the fat upper pu**y area. I can't really identify with fupa love right now because mine wont let me be great LOL but I'm working on her for a more healthier,happier me. She talked about intentionally giving herself self-love and care during her recovery helping her to accept her new curves. Seriously though, you know I promote self adoration so I loved her transparency.

She also spoke on opening doors for talent that follows her like the photographer that she chose for the Vogue shoot, 23 year old Tyler Mitchell. The first African American to shoot for the cover of Vogue ever. Yaaaasssssssss!

Tyler Mitchell

My favorite part of the article is when she talked about her family history. I was moved to tears when she said her lineage was one of "broken relationships and mistrust". I almost shouted right there.  When she said " I pray that I am able to break generational curses in my family and that my children will have less complicated lives." I felt that on a spiritual level. While she was referring to the disconnect in respect, honesty and communication between man and woman in her genealogy, this reminded me of my generational hardships that not only plague me but my parents, brother and extended family as well. Recently, the patterns that have been a direct effect of negative habits, mental and emotionally abuse that has intertwined itself within the history of my family, is something that I'm no longer willing to accept. I'm not a doctor so I'm not qualified to "fix" anybody EXCEPT my own thoughts and actions. That's was my problem. I always wanted to mend what was wrong by overcompensating for what I thought love and family should be vs. what I actually experienced but no one can heal in toxicity and delusion. Traits that I WILL NOT pass down to my babies either.


Visit www.Vogue.com to read Beyoncé in Her Own Words: Her Life, Her Body, Her Heritage

"I’m in a place of gratitude right now.

I am accepting of who I am. I will continue to explore every inch of my soul and every part of my artistry.

I want to learn more, teach more, and live in full.

I’ve worked long and hard to be able to get to a place where I can choose to surround myself with what fulfills and inspires me."

Thoro Gem Thursday: Dr.Arlene A Asante

Never apologize for being DOPE

To say that this week's Thoro Gem feature is dope would be a huge understatement. She's a Morgan State University Graduate. Dentist. Inspirational Speaker. Youth Mentor and just finished her 2nd year at Howard University for dentistry not to mention a lover of God which is reflective in her life's work.


Dr. Arlene Asante is the founder of EAGER, Inc. a youth mentoring organization based out of Baltimore, Maryland. Her organization, established in 2009, was created to empower young girls and expose them to resources and tools that will assist in furthering their growth as well as to prosper socially and personally.

As mentioned earlier, Arlene is also a dentist and is currently in Saint Elizabeth, Jamaica on what she has coined as the  #JamaicaMissionsTrip, where her and a team of Howard student dentists are servicing the dental care needs of the natives. It's really something when your profession is your gift and passion that the world not only gets to witness but benefits from too!

Her path is definitely one of inspiration. I often find my self saying "Yaaaaaass Siiiiisss" while watching her live her best life.

Driven, Aspiring, and Bighearted, Arlene you truly are a thoro gem 

To learn more about EAGER inc and find out about future events, please visit the website at www.eagerinc.org


IG: @arleneasante
      @eagerinc