Life Gems with Javonni Al-Amin: You are already Whole

You are already Whole -Javonni Al-Amin

I practice self love by being very self reflective, filtering, and taking care of my physical needs.  Self reflection keeps me honest and grounded. I'm constantly checking myself to see if I'm ok with the way I'm dealing with life.  If I'm not, I figure out if it's fixable and if I need to take action.  If I am, I enjoy the moment and let myself be proud of myself! I run people, places, and things through a filter. If it doesn't align with happiness or wholeness then just as soon as I can, I let it go. I take raising my children as my life's work.  Because of that, I decided a while ago that I'm not going to let anything get in the way of me growing grounded, whole, well adjusted children. That means that I have to be in good space mentally, emotionally, and physically. Anything that imposes on that, I eliminate.  Loving me is an inside-out job.  I wear Ghanaian waist beads under my clothes as a reminder of the womb I carry, to honor my African heritage, and because I think they're beautiful.  I change my hair often because I can and "beautiful" doesn't have a box to fit in.  Healthy is beautiful, so I love myself to that and not number or a size.  Overall I practice self love by checking in with who God says I am who I want to be, and being ok with the journey.

-Javonni

Life Gems with Renee Slocum

Life Gems with Renee Slocum

What life experience has taught you the importance of loving yourself?

A lot of people have come into my life to supposedly do me good but have actually done me more harm. These people were supposed to take care of me, help me, KEEP me away from hurt harm and danger but instead they've been the ones to inflict it or put me in position to be inflicted. Because of it I've had my guard up ALL MY LIFE! Making it hard for people who really want to do me good. I've learned it's important to love and look out for me above anyone else because there are people who just don’t care about me the way I care about me. For the majority of my childhood, I have been a people pleaser and got hurt the whole time. It’s important to love on yourself to give people insight of how to love you.

How do you practice self-care? 

Taking the time usually on weekends to do WHATEVER it is I want to do. My week mainly revolves around my son and work. The weekend is my time to unwind! Sometimes I read; something I used to love to do and had lots of time to do but that has gotten away from me. Also I study my bible, in depth with my notebook pen and highlighters! Other things are just some self-pampering: mani-pedi. And lastly some adult time! Many moms I’m sure can attest to ADULT time being crucial to self-care because sometimes these little people we birth can drive you NUTS! Lol. I love my son immensely but when the opportunity presents itself, I take it! 

Knowing all that you know now about life, what advice would you give your younger self?

Take care of yourself first. Don't be a people pleaser people will use you and then leave you as soon as they have no more use for you. Respect and love yourself first. You teach people how to treat you and love you by the way you treat and love yourself. It is okay to say no if people walk away because they couldn't get something from you that they wanted or couldn't use you in the way that they wanted to, let them walk away. Always know your worth do not settle for anyone who treats you as though you are less than what you are. You will avoid a lot of hurt and pain staying true to your morals and goals knowing your own worth not being a people-pleaser and never settling for less. Don't be discouraged so easily, keep trying until that goal you said is met no matter how long it takes. Keep God at the center of all things and you will be victorious!

Life Gems with Melanie Tinsley: You are Love

You are Love

It took years upon years for me to realize what self love was and it took even longer for me to establish self-care. As a young girl I grew up motherless. I never experienced that nurturing love that a mother gives. That is a mothers gift to her daughter. So in turn I was not able to establish self love. I gave away my mind, my body, and most of all my soul to the world as if it was free. It wasn’t until I became an adult somewhere around the age of 30, that I started to establish self-love and self care.

I slowly started to realize that I no longer had to give myself relentlessly to this thing called “the world”. I realized that I was able to keep me all to myself. See this thing called life can leave you lost. It can leave you feeling alone in this place called the world. You become so consumed by the needs and wants of everyone and everything around you that you become swallowed whole.

 

But once you realize that you yourself make up the universe, you begin self love. You begin to realize just how precious life is and how precious your life is. You realize you are that diamond in the rough.  And in that very moment you realize that no one can love you, better than you.

 

I care and love for myself setting aside extra time just for me. Why not. I deserve it. I take longer showers in the morning. I don’t let the morning rush hour rush me. I take mental breaks from the world and everything going on around me by closing my eyes and listening to soothing and calming music. I learned to stop giving and giving because the world will keep taking and taking. I take a little less time with others and put a little bit more time into myself. Most of all I stopped letting other peoples opinions define who I am as a woman. 

-Melanie

Life Gems with Denise Lopez: Moments of tranquility matter

Moments of tranquility matter

When life overwhelms me the ways I practice self care is by taking a drive to clear my mind, taking MYSELF on a date by treating myself to my favorite restaurant ,scheduling a spa appointment and whenever I am able to, treating myself to a weekend away from my normal routine. I also practice self care by being selective on who I spend my time with and what I spend my time doing. Most times, I sit alone and play Christian music or piano instrumentals and give my self a moment to process what I'm feeling, then allow myself to get past it and dwell no more.


-Denise

Life Gems with Kyah Madlock: Know who You are

Know who You are

I no longer need validation. I'm perfect the way that I am, from my looks all the way down to my soul. I don't need anyone to confirm who I am . No more validation from people who aint valid.

-Kyah

Life Gems with Ashley Peek: Love's journey starts with self

Love's journey starts with self

The biggest thing that I have learned about self-love is that it's never too late to truly find out who you are as a person. As we grow we change and are constantly learning what we like what we don't like. What we would accept and what we won't accept. In my journey to self love which I am constantly traveling, I am learning to just accept me for me. Accepting my flaws and understanding that I am not going to be perfect in everyone eyes and nor should I want to be. It's not up to society to determine what makes me happy and what adds value to my life. Its my choice and that is something that I had to learn over time.

-Ashley

Life Gems with Gabrielle Covington: Make yourself a priority

Make yourself a priority

Many women think the answer to this is universal but it isn't. My self-care starts with being my own best friend. I love spending time alone. I rest, refuel, and regroup. I also make sure I'm inspired by what I'm surrounded by so I'm constantly clearing clutter and redecorating my place. In my book saying "No" is okay. I've said yes many times in my life and have regretted it. Lastly, because I have a husband and kids, I often find myself rewriting my routine and sometimes having to put me at the top of the list. I've also incorporated yoga and meditation to help focus me. I don't always get it right but this is what helps keep me balanced.

-Gab

Life Gems with Jessica Jenkins: Be Authentic

Be Authentic



I practice self care by spending time in silence and time alone. In my time of silence I usually turn everything off, even my phone, and just lay in my room and practice breathing. I usually light a candle or burn incense and take control over my breathe, as you would in practicing something like yoga. It gives me peace and a sense of self control. And my time alone can be spent reading, writing, or doing yoga. But I do it by myself and enjoy my own company. I have been practicing these things more and more lately. They help me to stay calm and at peace. I usual find the time to do one of these things twice weekly. And make time for 30-45 minutes or long during the weekend.

The advice I would give the younger me would be this: if they don’t like the authentic you baby girl they aren’t for you. Being a people pleaser I always put myself last and attempted to appease others and for their standards of what they wanted me to be. It’s taken years to really come into my own and truly love who I am as a person. You can’t please everyone but pleasing yourself makes life that much better.

- Jess

Life Gems with Steph Cedeno

Life gems with Steph Cedeno

What life experience taught you the importance of loving yourself?

I don’t think there is one single specific moment in my life that has lead me on this journey as much as it is a combination of my life’s events. The moral of each situation always wound up being the fact that in order to truly love myself I have to also love my journey and not allow the past or outside actions define me. I can literally write a book about my life , but being raised by a single father has really shaped me to be the woman I am today. Understanding the universe helps me understanding that things are happening FOR me and not TO me.

 

How do you practice self-care?

I practice self care in a few different ways. It started with crystals. I love the fact that they come from the earth and divinely created. With the crystals came meditation.  I recently started meditating not on a daily scheduled basis but when I feel the pull to do so. It has honestly been one of the best decisions I’ve made in my journey. Palo Santo is my favorite to use when spirituality cleansing along with sage and incense. Sometimes we need to disconnect from the everyday hustling and put our phones down and just be, which for me is very important with self care.

Knowing all that you know now, what advice would you give your young self?


Being the woman I am today and knowing all that I do now, the best advice I would give my younger self would be love you more today than yesterday . Be sure to always take care and don’t place judgment on yourself. You are created in the divine eye.

Life Gems With Jade Slater: Bloom from Within

Bloom from Within

Self-care is a daily routine of what makes you feel good. It can be anything from sleeping in after a long week, talking nicely to yourself , researching ways to take care of your mental health and separating from toxic environments (people ,activities, or behaviors). For me, it's so much more than exterior things; not to say they don't count because they do very much but in this moment my foundation is to start inside spiritually and mentally and then work my way out by eating better taking a walk, breathing, not dwelling on my problems but my solutions, retraining my brain to think positive and talking nice to myself.
The biggest lesson I've learned about self-love is that in order to truly love yourself you have to first forgive yourself for all the dark things that you may have done to yourself or those around you. Find ways to acknowledge your wrongs and when you do you'll will be able to forgive yourself and others and then truly love yourself. Love is liberating. It is freeing. It will never keep you hostage or bind you up. When you have self love you will be able to find your peace and that is the most refreshing space to find.




-Jade

Life Gems featuring Carmella Carter

Life Gems with Carmella Carter

What life experience has taught you the importance of loving yourself? One life experience that has taught me the importance of loving myself is being single again after a divorce.  I learned to love me when all I had was me and God. I had family and friends that were supportive but there is nothing like walking a journey feeling along when people are present.  It was a difficult time but looking back it was the best ever.

How do you practice self-care? Praying and setting time for daily devotion to God, journaling, reading self-help books, listening to podcast of people and that are thriving in the area I want to thrive in, clearance shopping, long hot baths or showers, dating myself even though I am married and daily affirmations. 

Knowing all that you know now about life, what advice would you give your younger self? Ok, your father wasn't in your life and the times that he was there he wasn't productive nor helpful. But get to know God as Father and ask Him to teach you how to love yourself. Live a life listening to God because he most certainly wants to hear you and guide you. Men and relationships are a bonus to life but they are NOT LIFE! You must learn to love and treat God and yourself good before you can love and treat someone else good. Don't seek validation in relationships seek validation in your relationship with God. People are human and fickle so don't get emotional when they don't treat you fair. Take them and the issue to God he will handle it, after all vengeance belongs to him. 

Peeling back the layers

The funny thing about epiphanies is that once you've been exposed to the truth you now have a choice to make. To operate in truth or ignorance.

After weeks of scheduling and rescheduling, I was finally able to set a dinner date with one of my good girlfriends. I can always count on girl talk over dinner to pull out the shit I'm not necessarily ready to clean up. We caught up on our lives, jobs, our latest beauty subscriptions and of course love. The more I was revealed some the ratchet details about my last two relationships, some of which she already knew, I grew more and more disgusted and embarrassed about my choice in men. 

I've always been drawn to the bad boy or in my case, the gang member, the drug dealer, and two time felon. Why? Well, I usually answered because I want a man that's fearless and unmovable in the face of adversity. And with my whole heart I meant all of that and still do mainly because I always wanted to feel protected by my man. How criminal and protection correlate? Because in my skewed view of relationships I somehow equated a tough guy as protector. Believe you me guys I know how dumb this sounds but that was my truth and it wasn't until my good girlfriend said to me "But you don't live a crazy life. So what do you need to be protected from? ", that I didn't realize how asinine it truly was.


She was 100% on point.  I don't do anything crazy or even out of the ordinary. And by ordinary I mean extremely ordinary like going to work, shopping, and possibly church every other weekend. Along with the fact that I am very faithful to my bed and Netflix account. As a matter of fact if I ever have been involved in anything crazy it's solely been because of the men that I invited into my life. That's when the truth escaped out of my mouth. Without having to think hard about it I said that I wanted to be protected by my man because I never felt protected by a man. Yes, I've had men around me my entire life. I grew up with my father in the house. He and my mother married two years before I was born and they've never been separated. He is a excellent father and very present however like most young girls, I experience things in life that my father just wasn't there to protect me from. I was molested by my babysitter's younger brother for years. I was bullied and beat up by boys in the neighborhood. One of which used to terrify me so bad that I remember peeing on myself as I ran home one day after school because I was so afraid of him. Being that all the other kids were afraid of him too nobody ever defended me. I could have told my father about the things that we're going on especially about my personal terrorist that lived at the top of the block but I never felt like it would stop. I'm realizing now that I was drawn to men that I thought would never let a violation against me either happen or go unpunished when in the contrary they were the first ones to violate me because they were in perfect position to do so. This is not to say that all guys with a history of crime and or violence are not genuinely good men because that is simply not truth. I chose guys out of ignorance thinking that because of how they were known to be in the street would make me feel covered, hence valued. But what I soon found out is that the men that I was choosing had problems that ran deeper than charges and a court appearance. Truth is, a man doesn't need to have "hard life" or be "hood" in order to protect you. That's bullshit because no real man would ever let anything happen to you no matter what his life was like. 


But this post isn't about my choice in men. It's the reason why I had that particular choice of men. I confessed a truth that I otherwise would have been too afraid to admit at a different point in my life. How could I get where I need to go without knowing where I've been? And how can I get what I need without  identifying the reasons why? I had to ask God to help me forgive my father because I was holding him accountable for something that he did not intentionally do but it still impacted my life in a negative way making me low-key resent him. I also had to forgive myself for lying to myself about what I  needed and what I was going to endure just to feel loved. I'm grateful that God opened  my eyes to my own mess so I can get out of my damn way.