Life Gems With Jade Slater: Bloom from Within

Bloom from Within

Self-care is a daily routine of what makes you feel good. It can be anything from sleeping in after a long week, talking nicely to yourself , researching ways to take care of your mental health and separating from toxic environments (people ,activities, or behaviors). For me, it's so much more than exterior things; not to say they don't count because they do very much but in this moment my foundation is to start inside spiritually and mentally and then work my way out by eating better taking a walk, breathing, not dwelling on my problems but my solutions, retraining my brain to think positive and talking nice to myself.
The biggest lesson I've learned about self-love is that in order to truly love yourself you have to first forgive yourself for all the dark things that you may have done to yourself or those around you. Find ways to acknowledge your wrongs and when you do you'll will be able to forgive yourself and others and then truly love yourself. Love is liberating. It is freeing. It will never keep you hostage or bind you up. When you have self love you will be able to find your peace and that is the most refreshing space to find.




-Jade

Life Gems featuring Carmella Carter

Life Gems with Carmella Carter

What life experience has taught you the importance of loving yourself? One life experience that has taught me the importance of loving myself is being single again after a divorce.  I learned to love me when all I had was me and God. I had family and friends that were supportive but there is nothing like walking a journey feeling along when people are present.  It was a difficult time but looking back it was the best ever.

How do you practice self-care? Praying and setting time for daily devotion to God, journaling, reading self-help books, listening to podcast of people and that are thriving in the area I want to thrive in, clearance shopping, long hot baths or showers, dating myself even though I am married and daily affirmations. 

Knowing all that you know now about life, what advice would you give your younger self? Ok, your father wasn't in your life and the times that he was there he wasn't productive nor helpful. But get to know God as Father and ask Him to teach you how to love yourself. Live a life listening to God because he most certainly wants to hear you and guide you. Men and relationships are a bonus to life but they are NOT LIFE! You must learn to love and treat God and yourself good before you can love and treat someone else good. Don't seek validation in relationships seek validation in your relationship with God. People are human and fickle so don't get emotional when they don't treat you fair. Take them and the issue to God he will handle it, after all vengeance belongs to him. 

Peeling back the layers

The funny thing about epiphanies is that once you've been exposed to the truth you now have a choice to make. To operate in truth or ignorance.

After weeks of scheduling and rescheduling, I was finally able to set a dinner date with one of my good girlfriends. I can always count on girl talk over dinner to pull out the shit I'm not necessarily ready to clean up. We caught up on our lives, jobs, our latest beauty subscriptions and of course love. The more I was revealed some the ratchet details about my last two relationships, some of which she already knew, I grew more and more disgusted and embarrassed about my choice in men. 

I've always been drawn to the bad boy or in my case, the gang member, the drug dealer, and two time felon. Why? Well, I usually answered because I want a man that's fearless and unmovable in the face of adversity. And with my whole heart I meant all of that and still do mainly because I always wanted to feel protected by my man. How criminal and protection correlate? Because in my skewed view of relationships I somehow equated a tough guy as protector. Believe you me guys I know how dumb this sounds but that was my truth and it wasn't until my good girlfriend said to me "But you don't live a crazy life. So what do you need to be protected from? ", that I didn't realize how asinine it truly was.


She was 100% on point.  I don't do anything crazy or even out of the ordinary. And by ordinary I mean extremely ordinary like going to work, shopping, and possibly church every other weekend. Along with the fact that I am very faithful to my bed and Netflix account. As a matter of fact if I ever have been involved in anything crazy it's solely been because of the men that I invited into my life. That's when the truth escaped out of my mouth. Without having to think hard about it I said that I wanted to be protected by my man because I never felt protected by a man. Yes, I've had men around me my entire life. I grew up with my father in the house. He and my mother married two years before I was born and they've never been separated. He is a excellent father and very present however like most young girls, I experience things in life that my father just wasn't there to protect me from. I was molested by my babysitter's younger brother for years. I was bullied and beat up by boys in the neighborhood. One of which used to terrify me so bad that I remember peeing on myself as I ran home one day after school because I was so afraid of him. Being that all the other kids were afraid of him too nobody ever defended me. I could have told my father about the things that we're going on especially about my personal terrorist that lived at the top of the block but I never felt like it would stop. I'm realizing now that I was drawn to men that I thought would never let a violation against me either happen or go unpunished when in the contrary they were the first ones to violate me because they were in perfect position to do so. This is not to say that all guys with a history of crime and or violence are not genuinely good men because that is simply not truth. I chose guys out of ignorance thinking that because of how they were known to be in the street would make me feel covered, hence valued. But what I soon found out is that the men that I was choosing had problems that ran deeper than charges and a court appearance. Truth is, a man doesn't need to have "hard life" or be "hood" in order to protect you. That's bullshit because no real man would ever let anything happen to you no matter what his life was like. 


But this post isn't about my choice in men. It's the reason why I had that particular choice of men. I confessed a truth that I otherwise would have been too afraid to admit at a different point in my life. How could I get where I need to go without knowing where I've been? And how can I get what I need without  identifying the reasons why? I had to ask God to help me forgive my father because I was holding him accountable for something that he did not intentionally do but it still impacted my life in a negative way making me low-key resent him. I also had to forgive myself for lying to myself about what I  needed and what I was going to endure just to feel loved. I'm grateful that God opened  my eyes to my own mess so I can get out of my damn way.

Love Odyssey

There was a time I envied those free spirited women who effortlessly wore themselves with love and pride. I was never like that and I wondered if I'd ever be like that.
I prayed that someday I'd achieved that level of confidence and grace but it never dawn on me that those women probably fought the worst mental battles.
Cried endless streams of self consciousness.
Kicked themselves over and over for believing in doubt and screamed until the lining of their throats became raw.
We never know what a person goes through just to arrive, yet and still we covet.
I admire these women with their honey like testimonies.
Full of substance, Raw truths and preserved flavors for the soul.
I admire those women who found victory in being vulnerable.
I admire the love of self that came by way of self hate...or...maybe not hate but surly a type of neglect
You remember those women.
You remember their stories and how they resonated and ignited an inspiration through you by way of expression.
I get it now.
You smile different when you smile in honesty.
Happy girls have glow, they say
And you're a liar if you never wanted to shine.
For years, my fear of freedom kept me running from destiny and finding security amongst the spectators and others too afraid to embrace who they are.
Funny thing about that is now I hate crowds.
I have a lot of letting go to do so Gods will can bloom throughout my life
I'm no where near the woman dreamt of as a little girl, who wears the opinions of others like loose garments
But I'm also no longer afraid to be seen

Only look back to see how far You've come

I've been two weeks social media free (with the exception of twitter). Logging off every now and then is healthy for me. I get caught up too fast and for all the wrong reasons. Plus, I like to fall off the grid sometimes to collect myself and live on the low. This helps me focus and realign myself with what is important to me or actually get in touch with what should be important. I hate to admit it but I'm one of those people that needs to put themselves on timeout before getting carried away with the glitz and glamour of the internet otherwise I'm drained and overstimulated by way too much and then I begin to compare and contrast my life to all the wonderful people doing amazing things.

Ironically, being removed from social media makes me feel like I'm on an island far away from everything and everybody which was the goal but damn LOL. This purge is different. I've felt unhappy with things lately and although I'm working on that I've felt the need for inspiration. To have an encounter deep enough to shift my emotions toward hope. That shit is so important; to be inspired. I needed that today. I looked on my Twitter timeline and other blogs. I even called my little brother this morning hoping to hear something, anything to make me feel better but that changed nothing. Then out of nowhere( though I know it was God) I thought about some things that took place last year and realized that I've come a long way. Life was basic. This year I'm blogging more consistently. I wrote and self-published my first book. I took my first international trip. I'm a year free from a very abusive relationship I was in. I became more active with establishing my non-profit IMperfect. I'm just in a better space. Not where I want to be but not where I was. I've heard it said that unhappiness can stem from focusing on what you don't have or what you lost verse what you have and what you want to feel. When you focus on whats true, noble, right, pure, love, and admirable, you're generating gratefulness. Gratefulness is a godly vibe baby and when you look towards God, you don't have to look anywhere else.

Today I was seeking inspiration. I looked back over my life and saw God.

Thoro Gem Thursday: Caroline Senion

"As women we are much powerful when working together. We should commend, uplift, and support other women."

I love a girl's girl. They're so pleasant and gleam with virtue. This week's thoro gem is just that.

Caroline Senion, of Willingboro, NJ,  is the Editor and Chief of QueenHer Magazine, an online publication that highlights African American women from diverse backgrounds with different missions to not only positivity impact their communities but eventually the world.  She has created a brand or better yet a movement where the objective is to elevate and inspire women by providing a platform to share their business and art.

Last month, I had the opportunity to meet

Caroline on the shoot of Issue II. There is a real sincerity and humbleness about her which came as no surprise since we were all there because she enjoys shedding the spotlight on other people's dreams. The vibe on set was so positive which was powerful in itself. I don't know about you , but its been my past experience that a lot of women in one room can be almost disastrous but not this day. The common goal was solidarity. There was nothing but compliments and smiles and that's what I believe Caroline meant when she said "As women we are much powerful when working together". This is what happens when woman are encouraged to be united and recognized for the beauty of our spirits.

A visionary with a kind spirit and influential aim. Caroline, you truly are a thoro gem.

Website: issuu.com/queenhermagazine.com
IG: sheswritten
      queenher_magazine

Thoro Gem Thursday: Ciji Carr-McManus

"To touch, to move, to inspire. This is the true gift of dance." - Aubrey Lynch

I've been to dance classes where I can tell the instructor just loved to dance. I've also been to other dance classes where I can tell the instructor loves dance, has it and that dance just isn't something they teach as an after work hobby or only for extra cash. When dance is apart of who you are even the most complex moves appear effortless. That IT factor, for me, is what separates good instructors from great instructors. This weeks TGT feature is that great instructor and founder of Charged Up, Ciji Carr-McManus.

Charged Up is a fitness dance class where Ciji  incorporates Caribbean and Hip Hop dances to work out your body and get you grooving. I had the opportunity of attending one of her weekly classes in Edgewater Park, NJ and no exaggeration...the class was lit!!! There was a live DJ, colorful patterned lights to give a party feel and nothing but positive vibes that filled the atmosphere from beginning to end. The dances, wheeew chile, did work me out but I had a great time and since I dread the mere thought of exercising, it felt good to switch  up my normal routine.

Ciji's love to empower people through dance has placed her on major platforms to be recognized for her passion. From being featured in Essence Magazine, performing at this year's 2nd Annual Cracker Barrel Sista Strut Breast Cancer Walk and just recently being featured of Fox 29 Philly News promoting her children's book "Lets Get Charged Up". Sis is out here making her name known and looking super cute and fit while doing so. For more information about Charged Up and to purchase her book, please visit her website at www.chargedupdance.com.

Beautiful and being Inspiring one 2-step at a time, Ciji, you truly are a thoro gem.

IG: @cijimichelle and @chargedupdance