Blessed and Scared as hell

Next month I will be accomplishing one of my dreams. My first book, Blooming in Enough  will be releasing on April 14th and I'm scared as shit. This is literally a dream come true but all I want to do is hide. I didn't finish school and get a degree in English as planned. Although I am enrolled, I'm just on an involuntary financial break for the time being. I haven't been previously published any where or have been booked for speaking events other than poetry here and there. I don't live an extravagant life filled with unbelievable experiences or famous encounters. I don't have points of reference other than my IG posts or blogs nor is there anyone I can think of to vouch for my work but I have this unshakable feeling that I was created for this and I cannot see life without jotting down my thoughts, fears, dreams and ideas as they flow through my mind.



I remember a scene in Sister Act 2 when Sister Mary Clarence played by comedian Whoopi Goldberg, was explaining to Lauryn Hill's character, Rita, about a segment in the book Letters to a Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke. The scene went as follows:

"A fellow used to write to him and say, I want to be a writer.Please read my stuff."

And Rilke says to this guy:"Don't ask me about being a writer. When you wake up in the morning, you can think of nothing but writing...then you're a writer."

 As a child this was just a scene in a movie. As an adult its the confirmation to proceed beyond the fear of failure. Obviously I'm scared that my art won't be received well. I was in church for many years. I openly love and proclaim Jesus as the Lord I follow...but I curse...a lot in the book. How will my old church family view me? Probably no worse than some of them already do but that's a whole other story.

I'm scared that I won't sell any books besides the copies my family and friends will purchase out of support.

I'm scared that reviews will be written calling my book trash or telling me to stop writing.

I'm scared of mistakes, misprints, being misunderstood.

What if I'm not really qualified to write? How will people see me? I have bouts with depression and anxiety already. Could some negative feedback trigger something in me? 

 I know all of those questions are rooted in the fear of the unknown so I guess the real question is why do I give a shit?!?! Because in reality, I wake up in the morning thinking about nothing but writing and my book. My experiences that I spun and created to touch on something bigger than the "what ifs". I'm blessed and to witness a dream come true is a beautiful feeling. Not a lot of people can say that. I know people that got caught up in drugs and have never been the same. I had friends who's lives were claimed by violence. I have friends who just got sentenced and won't have their freedom for the next few years. I have other friends on life support right now. I CAN NOT AFFORD TO BE AFRAID ANYMORE.  I have no idea what will happen on and after April 14th. What I know is that I'm a regular girl who loves to write and had the guts to go for it. Whatever happens is already written.

No pun intended.

 

 

 

Thoro Gem Thursday: Michelle Obama

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!!!!

Amongst all women, today I recognize and celebrate our former FOTUS, Mrs. Michelle Obama.
If there is anyone who is an ambassador of women, it is definitely her. Once a little girl from the Southside of Chicago, Mrs. Obama has become the sole inspiration for a majority of women and little girls of all nationalities. What I adore the most about Mrs.Obama is the gracious and relatable vibe that she exudes. Whether you graduated from a prestigious school or didn't graduate at all, she makes you feel like there is no level greatness that isn't attainable.








Her memoir "Becoming" is due to release this November and I truly cannot wait.










Beautiful, smart, strong and forever OUR first lady, Michelle Obama, your truly are a thoro gem!

Thoro Gem Thursday: Jenifer Lewis

"But a true diva has dismissed that drama. A true diva's heart is open, and she's ready to play by her own rules - rules that are gentle and kind."- Jenifer Lewis

What better way to kick off Women's history month than bragging about wonder of a woman! This week's thoro gem is the beautiful award -winning actress, author, singer, comedian, and activist, the legendary Jenifer Lewis. She is a pillar not just in the black community but also the industry. I just recent download her book, The Mother of Black Hollywood, A Memoir, and its full of laughs, jewels of wisdom and plain ole real talk. Of course she reveals the highs and lows of her career and also being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If you're a reader this is definitely one to add to your collection.
Her body of work truly speaks for its self, so do I really need to say much?! Yes I do. 55 movies, 30 tv roles , She's earned it.

From Tina Turner's momma in What's Love Got to Do With It, Ruby Johnson on the hit TV series Black-ish and my favorite character of hers, Aunt Lettuce in the movie Dirty Laundry, where she played the loud, meddling sister to actress Loretta Divine and aunt to the main character played by Roc Dunbar who comes out as gay to his southern family shortly after a surprise visit by his white boy.

Jenifer Lewis brings a precise level of excellence and melanin magic to screen that is never forgotten. So much so, that you almost feel like you've encountered her as if she's had to lift your head up by the chin, look in your eyes after gently wiping tears away right before saying " Baby, cut all that crying bullshit out and pull yourself together. Aint' nobody got time for that." This lovely familiarity is the reason why most millennial's have gladly given her the honorary title of Auntie.




A Diva, Wise, and authentically Hilarious, Jenifer Lewis, you truly are a thoro gem.

Thoro Gem Thursday: Flaws of Couture

"If you really tap into the fact that no one else is you; and nobody can do it like you. Whatever you have, no one can do it like you. That's amazing, and the minute you realize that, my girl you're free."

This weeks Thoro Gem is IG sensation Sasha aka Flaws of Couture.

This Toronto native of Jamaican descent is a model, designer and vlogger. When it comes to self love and embracing every single fiber of your being, mama is the poster-child; or at least in my eyes. She is one of my many inspirations to not only love who I am but to embrace every inch of my body.

I remember listening to one of her IG Q&A videos where she was expressing how annoyed she gets at the question "How are you so confident?" because she sees being confident in who she is and loving herself as the only option. There is no other way to be! I understand what she meant. I guess sometimes it can feel insulting when people ask you how are you confident because it almost sounds like why are you confident. In a world where injections, implants, and transfers are highly famous it can feel like pulling teething just to be happy in your own skin. BTW, I don't think anything is wrong with doing you to feel beautiful JUST like there's nothing wrong with loving on your belly and rolls.

   "I am me. There's no one else like me. There no one else like you."

Beautiful, Flyy,Witty, Sasha, you truly are a thoro gem!

IG: flawsofcouture

IG:shopfocapparel

YouTube: torontosfluffy

Thoro Gem Thursday: Shari Coats

Am I the only one obsessed with the home aisle in pretty much every department store?? It doesn't matter why I go in the store, I have to head to the home section before I leave. Your décor says a lot your personally and style. However some of us may need a little bit of help finding our eye for design. That is where people like this weeks thoro gem comes in handy. And when she comes in she definitely comes through.

This weeks thoro gem is Shari Coats, the CEO of Ri`Imagination. Shari is an Interior Designer based out of Wilmington, DE servicing the Delaware, New Jersey, Pennsalvyna, and Maryland areas. Decorating around the house and party set-up initially began as a natural hobby for Shari but In 2017 she took her love and talent for decorating and created her business catering to home improvements such as interior painting and home décor.

I've known Shari for a long time and she's always had a knack for creating beautiful arrangements and bringing old things back to life. Recently she refurbished a chair for me that I found discarded and totally made it brand new.

Her desire to please her clients and the quality of her work definitely speaks for itself which makes her a fierce competitor in these decorating streets.


Ambitious, beautiful and artistic, Shari, your truly are a Thoro Gem.

IG: ri_imagination

Self-Lovery be like...

They say self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time. I think there isn't anything more appropriate . When you have literally fought, kicked, and cried yourself into exhaustion just to learn how to love yourself without permission and unapologetically. Walking past the mirror naked and giving yourself a wink. Not being worried about making sure your shirt doesn't reveal your true tummy size. When you smile honest and you start to fall in love with he sound of your own laughter. When you accept that you're not everyone cups of tea and couldn't care a less. When you begin to cherish the magic in your tears too much to waste them on the shallowness of others...you are literally saying fck the world.


While everything about loving yourself is and should be intentional every day is different. Today I needed to be intentional. Today was one of those days when my emotions felt like boulders and anything that was a replica of what I was trying to avoid mentally, at any moment, could come in like a wrecking ball and shatter the front that I've built for the world today.  I cried. I cursed. I complained. I prayed. You see, I have bouts with depression that have stemmed from unworthiness. I put up with relationships longer than I should have because they can't leave me. If they go that  says I'm the problem. Their presence was( sometimes still is) an assurance that I'm worth the stay. See the cycle?!

Some days are heavier than others but the importance to love myself wont allow me stay stuck in sorrow. So whether I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed with self-affirming phrases sliding of my lips like warm butter or whether I can barley look at myself without melancholy telling me to get back in the bed, I have to be intentional and show me some love.

Self-Love does always look like a diet or a make over. More often, self love happens in those tearful moments as we look back into ourselves through the mirror past everything we highlighted as a reminder to hate or "fix" and attest " I'm beautiful" "I love me" "I'm worth it" and "I'm perfect as I am."

Thoro Gem Thursday: Mecca Nuri

"Fashions fade, style is eternal." —Yves Saint Laurent

Nothing else can better describe this week's thoro gem, Mecci Nuri.

Mecca Nuri is a South Philadelphia native. We first in 2013 when she and I were apart of this social group, Pinky Promise Philly. She was so down to earth and spunky that we clicked within seconds.

At the time she was personal stylist and soon after started her own consulting company Styled Out Loud, where she took her love for fashion and people to another level with a "think outside the box" vibe and bold statements through style. Mecca styled for several visionaries through out the city of Philadelphia and even personal projects for herself and friends. In 2015, she decided to take a step back from the fashion world for a bit to regroup and figure out exactly what direction she wanted to take her brand. In late 2017, she found herself back in the throws of fashion when she began working at a boutique in Margate City, NJ. Her spidey senses started tingling, creativity popping again and before she knew it, she was making industry connections and gearing up to start her own fashion accessory line.

On Jan 30th 2018, Mecca officially launched her jewelry line, The Collection Mecca, comprised of bangles, hoops, necklaces and cuffs. Mixed metals and some with a little sparkle. Her line is a perfect reflection of her. Chic and fun with a touch edge and not for the faint. Mecca isn't new to this fashion thing but I know this is just the beginning of what God has in store for her. I'm so proud of my friend for stepping out on faith and tossing caution to the wind to cat-walk into her dreams.

 

Fierce, a Go-Getter, and full of ambition, Mecci Nuri, you truly are a thoro gem.

IG: styledoutloud

      thecollectionmecca