Self-Lovery be like...

They say self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time. I think there isn't anything more appropriate . When you have literally fought, kicked, and cried yourself into exhaustion just to learn how to love yourself without permission and unapologetically. Walking past the mirror naked and giving yourself a wink. Not being worried about making sure your shirt doesn't reveal your true tummy size. When you smile honest and you start to fall in love with he sound of your own laughter. When you accept that you're not everyone cups of tea and couldn't care a less. When you begin to cherish the magic in your tears too much to waste them on the shallowness of others...you are literally saying fck the world.


While everything about loving yourself is and should be intentional every day is different. Today I needed to be intentional. Today was one of those days when my emotions felt like boulders and anything that was a replica of what I was trying to avoid mentally, at any moment, could come in like a wrecking ball and shatter the front that I've built for the world today.  I cried. I cursed. I complained. I prayed. You see, I have bouts with depression that have stemmed from unworthiness. I put up with relationships longer than I should have because they can't leave me. If they go that  says I'm the problem. Their presence was( sometimes still is) an assurance that I'm worth the stay. See the cycle?!

Some days are heavier than others but the importance to love myself wont allow me stay stuck in sorrow. So whether I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed with self-affirming phrases sliding of my lips like warm butter or whether I can barley look at myself without melancholy telling me to get back in the bed, I have to be intentional and show me some love.

Self-Love does always look like a diet or a make over. More often, self love happens in those tearful moments as we look back into ourselves through the mirror past everything we highlighted as a reminder to hate or "fix" and attest " I'm beautiful" "I love me" "I'm worth it" and "I'm perfect as I am."