Love Odyssey

There was a time I envied those free spirited women who effortlessly wore themselves with love and pride. I was never like that and I wondered if I'd ever be like that.
I prayed that someday I'd achieved that level of confidence and grace but it never dawn on me that those women probably fought the worst mental battles.
Cried endless streams of self consciousness.
Kicked themselves over and over for believing in doubt and screamed until the lining of their throats became raw.
We never know what a person goes through just to arrive, yet and still we covet.
I admire these women with their honey like testimonies.
Full of substance, Raw truths and preserved flavors for the soul.
I admire those women who found victory in being vulnerable.
I admire the love of self that came by way of self hate...or...maybe not hate but surly a type of neglect
You remember those women.
You remember their stories and how they resonated and ignited an inspiration through you by way of expression.
I get it now.
You smile different when you smile in honesty.
Happy girls have glow, they say
And you're a liar if you never wanted to shine.
For years, my fear of freedom kept me running from destiny and finding security amongst the spectators and others too afraid to embrace who they are.
Funny thing about that is now I hate crowds.
I have a lot of letting go to do so Gods will can bloom throughout my life
I'm no where near the woman dreamt of as a little girl, who wears the opinions of others like loose garments
But I'm also no longer afraid to be seen