Life Gems with Milan Ervin: Expanding your boundaries to shift your perspective

“Independence is so important to me but knowing when to seek support is just as important.” – Milan Ervin



I define self soul care as taking care of your entire person. How do you practice self soul-care?

I absolutely believe in self soul care. One way that I practice this is by traveling. I highly believe in the work/life balance. 

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What is the biggest lesson you've learned about self love and how do you incorporate that into your life?

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The biggest lesson that I’ve learned about self love is that it takes YOU to decide what you need and how it will best help to shape not only your spirit but your mentality as well. I would say that practicing self care by traveling has made me so much more independent and open minded to the world around me. It has helped to center my being by humbling my center. The world is so big and wide, it really makes you take a step back and realize the small space we occupy in our own little worlds. Each place that I visit, I take a piece with me (literally& figuratively) and that place in time stays with me and that in itself is comforting. 

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We often see more women than men speaking on mental health wellness. At any point in your life did you struggle with speaking on what you were feeling and thinking out of fear of not being taken serious? If so, do you still feel that way and why?

We’re human, so being flawed comes with the territory, no matter who you are or where you come from. For me, it goes back to wanting to maintain my independence. I have a “do it yourself” attitude when it comes to myself because I often feel that it’s expected or that I don’t want to bother others. Especially if I know I can do it myself. I am learning that it’s ok to ask for help sometimes and I have made progress. I am an older brother with younger cousins whom I was responsible for, so I guess it goes back to that time. Independence is so important to me but knowing when to seek support is just as important. I am a work in progress. 

I sought help today!

I shuffled through the suggestion list of new reads, or should I say sounds, on my audible app. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to type in the description bar what exactly I was looking for and that miraculously in some divine moment of God looking out for his child, my eyes would run across a title that spoke to my needs. But of course that didn't happen. So I tapped out of my pride and on the search glass icon and typed in "Self help". I'm no stranger to stranger things more less the taboo of therapy which I am a strong believer in and advocate for, however, sometimes you just feel like you aint got time for that. All the crying , unearthing and rearranging that will definitely come as a result of ...well...getting help.

Rewind to when I was about 13, I was forced into counseling due to my odd behavior like isolation and self-mutilation which was me cutting my forearms. I still don't feel comfortable saying this was a cry for attention but it most certainly stemmed from poor self image and a major lack of confidence. The sessions weren't bad but they didn't help either and this lead to several visits to the physiologist and nurses office throughout the rest of my high school years and then on and off in my younger adult life.

Fast forward to this morning, I swiped through the book suggestions of both authors I've never heard of to ones whose work I'm very familiar with. From Memoirs to Self-Development. New age practices, spiritual rituals to religious guidance. Somehow I even ended up amongst the hood novels which I found rather ironic being that this was apart of my problem but I digress. I listened to a couple of the self help book synopsis to get a better feel for what I may be in store for and nothing...I mean NOT A THING resonated.  No offense against the published works but I didn't find them worth the time to listen or my free credit. Then, as if my fingers had a mind of their own, I googled black therapist in new jersey, found someone whose profile I was comfortable with and submitted my cry for help. Why? Because I went to bed last night unsettled and woke up feeling over being "over it". Transparency has never been my problem. Its been allowing the recipe of unpacking and releasing to effectively brew without putting my hands in the pot.

Step 1. Admittance. Step 2. Taking action towards change. I'll let you know Step 3 when I get there. 

Feature Alert!

In June, I had the pleasure to be featured on Women on the Grind. WOTG is a website that shines the spotlight on women who simply put, are doing their with their gifts, talents and time.


Sisterhood is imperative for feminine healing, growth and pushing visions forward. I was very honored to be published alongside other women out here in the world making the differences that we can.


Something powerful happens when women link up even if its over the net.


You can read my interview here.

Thoro Gem Thurday: Courtney Melski

“I want everyone to feel comfortable enough to be a woman in this scary world where everyone is against us.”– Courtney Melski



TGT IS BACK!! YAAAYYYY! And this week's Thoro Gem feature is Courtney Melski who was inspired to ignite change earlier this year when congress started to approve an abortion bans throughout the US.  Not only did she voice her option against the ban on her social media platforms but she decided to make a bigger statement by creating a line of t-shirts with inspirational quotes and images to encourage both women and men to stand up for women rights.

The sad thing is that basic human rights for women are still on the table of discussion as if our bodies were on display at buffet and people can pick and choose what they desire. The beautiful thing is that young ladies like Courtney can speak up for this type of injustice, be heard, seen and taken seriously so when I asked Courtney what about this ban triggered her in such a way to begin her line, she said:

“As women from any background, religion, etc. we all have one very thing in common. We are the only ones that have the power and the strength to conceive children. Whether we can bear them or not we are the only ones that have that ability. I don’t see why 25 men were able to determine what we can do with our bodies. Hence the shirt “My Pussy My Opinion”. How many of those men have been pregnant? Zero. How many of them have been stripped of their bodies by women? Zero. How many of those men have been pregnant due to a rape? Zero. But those are the ones that are telling us what we can and cannot do with our bodies. The female body is such magic, from head to toe with different colors, shapes, etc. We are literally like a home, not only for the children we carry but the people around us. Women are comforting and this ban is making life 10x harder. These men aren’t just stripping us from our bodies, they’re stripping us from our voices, our power, and our lives. My reproduction is my body and my body is always going to be mine. We women need be united and we can’t let anyone burn out the fire that we have igniting in us.”

Courtney, for being fearless and in the face of adversity , you're truly a thoro gem!

Courtney's t-shirts can be purchased via her instagram @cmelskii